the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Mom said you looked used
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
