you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
