I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
