I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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