So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
