How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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