fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
