Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
