I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
