I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
