if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
