the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
