She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
