I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
