Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
