She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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