i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
someone owes me an orgasm
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
