I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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