the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
