The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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