So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
