she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
