I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
