Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You made out with two different species that night
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
