I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
