Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
