i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
