My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
