Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
