1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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