Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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