Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
