also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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