I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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