So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
