Your face is a jimmy john
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
