my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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