I puked a lego.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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