Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
