are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
