So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
