he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
