You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
