I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
