I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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