he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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