That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
