is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
