remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I feel like death gave me a hand job
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
