im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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