I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
