alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
