Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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