Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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