I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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