There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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