I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
